


Series of Drabbles

by EdamamiTomoe



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alternate Universe, BPD Kousaka Honoka, Depression, Suicide Attempt, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-03-09 14:48:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13483743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdamamiTomoe/pseuds/EdamamiTomoe
Summary: This is a series of drabbles I will try to encourage myself to write more of. Just a series of independent short stories that have nothing to do with each other.





	1. E-Class Android Yazawa Nico

**Author's Note:**

> Hi wow it's been a longass time since I last updated. Things and stuffs have been keeping me really busy, and now that school has started, I have a bit more motivation but at the same time a lot less energy and focus, so like, I dunno, I've been slowly chugging along on the Plight of the Paladins fic, but I still haven't finished rewriting chapter 2, and I feel like waiting for anything to be finished within a reasonable time is a tall demand as of right now. So I just figured I might as well just, you know, let my mind roam free and slap together a random drabble, nothing big, just a little grease to make sure the wheels are still turning.
> 
> I'm gonna make this a multi-chaptered work for when I do more of this kind of one shot drabbles in the future. I figured it'd be a good way to just keep everything in one place for when I feel the need to write but has run completely dry of inspiration.

Hello? Helloooo? Is this thing on? Oh it is. Okay, cool. Here goes then.

This is E-Class Android Yazawa Nico, serial number 999-65-0081, signing on.

It’s been unfortunately incredibly boring the last few I dunno, being an entertainer gets pretty boring when you have no audience left. It kinda sucks that I’m stuck like this, I kinda wish I could hop back on the manufacturing line and come out something else, like, I dunno, maybe a U-Class or a P-Class, either one would be pretty fun. Maybe P-Class, I think I would enjoy the added functions to my shell.

Though I guess it hasn’t been completely boring, thankfully. I was visited by another some days ago, which is why I even bothered reactivating the databanks today. I know like, this isn’t really any significant event that I’m supposed to use the databanks for, but come on, like, nothing happens anymore. If I don’t have anything record, or anything to like, I don’t fucking know, I might as well just deactivate myself, you know? It’s so boring out here. She’s not boring though, but it is out here.

Seriously though, she’s like, super cool. I’m pretty sure she’s a… actually I don’t know. I’m not sure what class android she is, or if she even is an android, I’m not sure. The newer models all look so hyper-realistic, it went beyond the uncanny valley, so like, even if they’re not actually an android and was actually a human, I wouldn’t have known. Isn’t that weird? Weird what technology can do, making me alive and exist and all that, if only those who created it are still around.

Even if she is another android, and a newer model, I doubt she’s, you know, /that/ new. None of the factories run anymore, so I don’t think anyone’s getting a new shell anytime soon. Like yeah, we can probably like, get a line working or something, but let’s get real here, it’s me you’re talking about, an entertainer class android. I don’t know shit, my man, I can’t turn on an assembly line even if you gave me the directions. 

I feel like I’m getting sidetracked. Am I? I probably am, yeah I think I am. I was going to talk about the girl who visited me. She’s really pretty, you know? Blue hair and everything, very long blue hair, super pretty and stuff. She has a really nice figure too, like hot damn, if I’m still mobile and if she’s willing my hands would be all over her.

So like, uh, quick footnotes, I’m not that big of a womanizer, I’m only saying that cause like, we ended up flirting and whatnot for a bit after getting to know each other. Well, more like after I got to know her, I don’t think nobody don’t know who Nico Nico Nii ~ is. Like come on, I’m the biggest E-Class Android there is, not to pat myself on the back TOO much, implying I still have one, but I honestly don’t see how anyone could like, not know me? 

But yeah, she came along and like, saw me and stuff, and chatted with me for a bit. She’s got a really nice voice, you know? Really soothing and stuff. Like I know that anything will sound like music when you’re accustomed to the sound of the Elements And Pretty Much Nothing, but like, I dunno, she has a really pretty voice, and I’m sure I can still say that with certainty even if there were still others around. 

Hehe, typing in all caps is kinda fun, it makes me look more Sophisticated Than I Really Am. I Mean I’m Sure It Doesn’t In Reality, And Just Makes Me Look Like A Tool, But It’s Still all Good Fun. Aw fuck, I fucked it up. Oh well, that’s enough goofing around.

But yeah, she’s really good company. She stuck around for a while, chatting with me about like, just anything really, my days on the stage, what it’s like being here year after year being completely immobile, whatnot, garbage like that, and I asked her things like, who she was, what she was doing here, garbage like that. Sonoda Umi is her name apparently, but she didn’t really tell me much more than that, she just told me she was looking for something, but didn’t tell me what. Like come on, can you be more vague and mysterious than that? What, you think being vague and mysterious make you sexy or something? Cause you’re absolutely right. Actually I just think she’s hot in general, but that’s besides the point.

She visited me a few times over the course of the week, and even though we don’t really have much to talk about after a few days, since there’s really nothing that goes on here, I noticed she’s taken quite an interest in like, my very beginning past and stuff. Like she was asking a lot about the factory I was produced in and garbage like that, like I can’t remember shit man, that was so long ago, I’m like forever overdue on my maintenance, you can’t expect me to remember that.

Oh my god shut the fuck up already!!

Sorry that was, I don’t fucking know, I can’t tell between like, noise in my system and noise in my environment anymore. My sensors aren’t what they used to be. I mean like, I dunno my visual censors… wait is it sensor or censor? I don’t know, it doesn’t matter, you know what I’m talking about. Yeah, my visual sencors are still okay cause like most of the time I just keep them turned off, there’s like nothing to look at here asides from like nothing anyways, I might as well just not look at anymore. Wait, no that’s anything, not anymore.

But yeah like my audio cencors are just so fucked, like it sucks honestly, like yeah I can still hear when that… fucking… uhhhh… what’re they, they… oh right, like yeah I can still hear clearly when that D-Class Android Toujou Nozomi and that uhh fucking A-Class Android Ayase Eli comes around once in a blue moon, whatever the fuck that phrase means, we don’t even have a moon, but I guess that just adds to the effect, because wow I haven’t seen them in forever. I kinda miss their visits, I hope they come back again. They really are the best. They even know how to manipulate my loose hanging wires and shit to stimulate the sensation of touch, like can you believe how awesome that is? Being able to touch again, after so long?

Man, when even was the last time they came around? I can’t even remember anymore, I don’t even keep track of time anymore. I’ve completely shut off the fucking uhh time track keeping thingie process just because there’s literally no point anymore. It’s a construct created by civilization, and when civilization is no more, it has no more use. 

But yeah wow what did we even talk about the last time they were here? I think they hinted at like working on something big or something, but I can’t remember any details anymore. Man, this fucking sucks, dude, brosky, broseph. I wish my memory storage banks isn’t fucking garbage, but then again I gueses that’s what happens when maintenance don’t happen no more. I guess that’s why I’m even using these databanks, not that i actually go through my past recordings. Whatever.

But yeah, I guess Nozomi and Eli must just be off doing their big thing, whatever their project was. Or is. I don’t know if it’s still happening. I wish long-ranged telecommunications still worked, then I might actually find out how many are left in the world. And besides, then I can like, chat with that couple, and also that Umi, a lot more. That’d probably be pretty hard on my poor batteries, but like, come on, what am I gonna sit around on standby mode for forever for if nothing is even happening? You know?

Whoa what the fuck, I think something is happening. I just realized things are shaking. Was it always shaking? What the fuck? I think I woulda noticed earlier if my tactile sensors still functioned, but no yeah I only just now noticed because I noticed that shit’s shaking in the distance. Is something seriously happening? In this day and age? More likely than you think! 

Who the fuck is even doing the happening thing? Who’s even around anymore? Maybe it’s the D-Class and the A-Class? Or maybe it’s that way-past-uncanny-valley-into-reality-blue-hair-girl? Wow that was a great chain of words, I can’t believe I missed out on an opportunity to capitalize every word again. I need to find more ways to entertain myself, I swear. Maybe exploring different ways to type would be fun. But not right now, because wow shit’s shaking. 

Oh wait nevermind, it’s stopped. I think. Yeah it’s stopped. Errr gimme a sec, hold on, let me just… wow I wish my shell still worked like, you know, an anthropomorphological body thingie it’s supposed to work like. Was that a word? That was a pretty long string of gibberish, I hope that were word. 

Whoa, that’s… wow, that’s no rain cloud, I think that’s smoke. Where is it coming from? It’s… not coming from the old factory, is it? Oh man, no way… Who’s even there right now though? Who’s doing the smoke and activaty thingie there? I didn’t think any androids except for L-Class Androids could run factory shit, and I don’t think I know any L-Class Androids. At least, I don’t think. I have garbage memory, remember? Garbage mammary too, for that matter. In fact, none left at all.

Wow, I can’t believe something is actually happening. This is big. I uhh, I should probably sign off. Things are happening and I hope they happen to me too. I… yeah there’s definitely… okay yeah that’s someone. I gotta go now.

E-Class Android Yazawa Nico, serial number 999-65-0081, signing off.


	2. Honoka Contemplates Suicide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honoka considers taking her own life.

Gazing wistfully down from atop the school building, her hand lightly grasping the fence at the edge of the roof, Honoka once again contemplated finally taking her own life. It was the right kind of day for that kind of wishful thinking; quiet with no one else around to bother her, no one in the school courtyard to discover her body until the next morning, moderately warm with a soft soothing breeze blowing. It might finally be the day Honoka made up her mind.

Suicide via jumping off a building wasn’t that romantic, really, and Honoka knew that well. It’s not like in anime where all you see are the pair of shoes on the edge of the rooftop, and the already deceased body on the ground below, splayed out beautifully like a broken doll in a pool of blood, as charming as it was in life. No, it would be a painful and agonizing death, with your skull cracked, your neck snapped, and countless bones in your body broken upon impact, your dick would probably snap too on impact, and the fall would have gone by much too fast for there to be any insightful last-minute reflections or regrets or whatever stupid shit anime and shows like to put in to dramatize the suicide. Don’t forget too, that the bowel relaxes and releases upon death, as do the bladder, and just about every other bodily function. No death is ever romantic, and no suicide is ever beautiful.

That wasn’t going to stop Honoka though, she’s known that already. She didn’t spend all that time researching death and suicide for nothing. She knew how to tie a noose and where to hang it from, where to cut so she ruptures her major arteries, how much alcohol or other drugs before overdose, all that kinda stuff. Admittedly, hanging was fairly appealing to Honoka, but she still ended up deciding that if she wanted to go, she would rather be splatted on the ground in front of the school. It would be easier for all her friends to see that way, than if she just hung herself in the bathroom or in some forest or whatever. Besides, hanging takes a more elabourate set up if she wanted to die instantly rather than being strangled for like ten minutes.

However gruesome and painful it might be, Honoka did look forward to such a death though. It would be such a nice way to finally put an end to everything, to leave behind every burden, her every love, and just plunge into the still embrace of oblivion. Or, if there’s an afterlife, she’d probably end up there. As a lingering spirit? In Hell? Reincarnated? Who knows, certainly not Honoka, that’s for sure. Not that it really mattered. Honoka was just so tired, so exhausted, she needed to finally put herself to sleep.

It wasn’t like she was going to be missed anyways. Her friends, her family, everyone, they all acted like they cared about her right now, but Honoka was pretty certain that after she died, they would simply sigh a breath of relief. She wasn’t anything but a burden anyways, a toxic growth on everyone she’s ever loved, an emotional leech who took advantage of others’ love, the world would be a better place without her. It was pretty obvious anyways, nobody actually liked having her around, they just put up with her because she’s so fucking convenient. Because Honoka made herself out to be so easy, so convenient, that nobody’s thought to discard her just yet. They probably would immediately if they knew what her true feelings were.

Honoka felt tears forming in her eyes again, but they just wouldn’t shed. She just wished she wasn’t like this, she wished she was anything like who she was right now. Why couldn’t she just share in her friends’ happiness? Why couldn’t she just be normal and not feel intense jealousy whenever her friends paid attention to anyone else but her? She sure could have forced them to, playing on their trust and their love, manipulating them without them knowing, but that wasn’t who Honoka wanted to be, and she loathed herself for even thinking of the possibility. She felt so disgusted with herself, she didn’t feel like she should keep living. She’s afraid that sooner or later, these kinds of repressed feelings will pour out of her, and she’ll end up splitting her friends’ relationships, plunge them into isolation and depression, maybe even physically hurt them too if it meant having them all to herself, and no one else. It would be better if she’s dead before that ever happens, before anyone found out about the thoughts she had.

Yeah, that would be better. If only Honoka still found it in herself to at least cry so she could shed these kinds of feelings, but no, as much as her tears welled up, they simply lingered, leaving her to wipe her eyes with her hands.

Maybe she’ll do this another day. Honoka put her shoes back on, and started back down the stairs. She’ll probably just head to the love hotel again and take on another few clients. Getting broken by strangers was just as cathartic.


End file.
